I just had a dream that I was dating this guy, and then for some reason I wanted to be a stripper??? And he was like really upset about it.
Verbal abuse at home
Sexual harassment outside of my house….
I just want to run away to be honest
Fuck this shit
The amount of sexual objectification I’ve been put through these past few days has been making me feel physically ill.
There’s this foreign guy at my work who is constantly telling me and everyone around that he’s in love with me. He touches me all the time, and I always tell him to stop. He tells people he’s going to marry me. He doesn’t know a god damn thing about me except that I like to sing, and that I work where he works. He tells me that I’m hot. It feels like he really only views me as a sex object. Last night when my coworkers and I went out, he came up to me and literally said “I wanna fuck you, I’m so horny right now” and he kept touching me and I had to keep pushing him off and telling him that he was making me feel uncomfortable. that fucking crossed the line. I seriously cannot stand one more sexual comment or touch from him. I thought he was my friend before but friends don’t make advances on you after you’ve told them to stop because you’re uncomfortable.
I told my friend//one of the managers and he said he’s going to have a talk with him, and that it was unacceptable. I hope it does stop soon because I can’t work in that environment and if something isn’t done about this situation, I’m going to have to quit. I know that he’s from another country and male dominance is probably strongly emphasized and maybe even encouraged over there…. But that does not make this okay at all. And the comment he made last night shouldn’t be acceptable anywhere. I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt like I was going to puke from how upset I was. I wanted to take a bath at 3 in the morning to make myself feel better and to soak off the situation…idk make myself feel less dirty. But I couldn’t because everyone was sleeping in my house. So I fell asleep totally on edge. I haven’t eaten anything today yet because I still feel sick.
Aside from this situation, the other night my friend and I went to this concert, and the headlining band ended up having to cancel after all the openers played. Because of this, everyone was bummed out and a lot of the crowd was like ‘fuck it…let’s get blackout drunk’. So there was this free dance party next door to the concert venue. My friend went over there, and this guy tried to touch both of us as we walked by him (on our backs, but still he was looking at us like sexual objects and it was disgusting and I didn’t want to be touched). After a few minutes my friend and I decided to call for our ride and leave because the music they were playing was some shitty house remixes. So we went outside and were sitting on the ground in this corner of the bar patio. I joked about how we probably looked homeless. Then this guy comes out and at first he seemed nice and friendly. He was like “are you two okay? Do you need some pizza? A beer? Some money? Haha you guys kind of look homeless” and my friend tried to be like “oh that’s funny we were just talking about how we probably look homeless.” But then he went on to say ” hahaha you should have signs that say ‘will give blowjobs for beer’ ” and that’s when we were like…… -.- are you fucking serious. I absolutely HATE it how sexual objectification increases dramatically when people are drinking. It’s fucked up that this is happening in society.
Ugh so I went record shopping again last night (and not to toot my own horn but I looked pretty fuckin cute lol) & the cute guy working there was like complimenting my music taste and he asked me if I got a new record player. I was like “well I’ve had one for a while but lately I’ve been going kinda crazy with my purchases.” and he was like “you’ve got the vinyl fever” & I was like “guilty. I spent too much money in here last week” then I started geekin inside cause I was like shiiiit this guy is adorable. And he asked me what I bought last week and I just froze up & forgot what I bought for a second. But yeah when I told him he kept complimenting my taste in music. Definitely gotta go back again… And not be a total dork
Ps, last night I bought:
- Devendra Banhart; Mala
- Arctic Monkeys; AM
- The Naked and Famous; Passive Me Aggressive You
- Patrick Stump 7”
- Red Hot a Chili a Peppers 7”
- Young the Giant 7”
My newfound vinyl addiction is getting out of hand. In the past couple weeks I’ve managed to accumulate these records:
-Animal Collective; Honeycomb 7”
-Wild Nothing; Shadow 7”
-Bibio; A Teut A L’heure 7”
-Beach House; Bloom
-The xx; Coexist
-Washed Out; Paracosm
-Two Door Cinema Club; Tourist History
-Los Campesinos!; No Blues
-St. Lucia; When the Night
-Devendra Banhart; Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon
-Frankie Rose; Herein Wild EP
Gaaaaaah I can’t stop
So there’s this customer that always comes into Chipotle. He’s always wearing scrubs. He’s like a doctor or a nurse or something. & I have his order memorized. Burrito Bol with just white rice, chicken, and lettuce. Cup for water; hold the receipt. (I swear I sort of have a life) He looks like Dennis from Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia. he’s probably 27ish and he’s superrrrrr cute. I’m diggin on him a lot. This older Spanish woman at my work that I joke around with a lot teases me whenever he comes in. I’m pretty sure he knows I think he’s attractive. His friend that comes in with him like 75% of the time also seems to know. They tend to talk then look over at me and smile. but gaaaah on valentines day he told me happy valentines day and the other day he waved at me when he was leaving & ugh I just turn into a pile of mush whenever I see him. I get so nervous when I talk to him cause he flashes the cutest smiles at me & I can’t handle it. he’s a regular customer though (like more than 3 times a week) so I feel like I should maybe leave it alone to steer clear of anything awkward. But then again I’m already awkward about this situation anyway. Ughhh.
I wanna be on him doe
My day consisted of Crate digging & petting cats.
New records I got in the past two days:
- Frankie Rose, Herein Wild
- The xx, Coexist
- Saintseneca 7”
- Beach House, Bloom
- War Paint, The Fool
- Washed Out, Paracosm
- Two Door Cinema Club, Tourist History &
- Cayucas, Bigfoot
It was also a lot warmer out. The majority of the snow melted outside aaand I ate a banana split. 👌Good ass day
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:( I hate how I always do this
I bottle everything up & avoid all the stressful things I have to deal with & I just end up letting everything pile up until I can’t take it anymore & start having an emotional breakdown
crying is the worst.
Life is overwhelming and I just want to give up and become a recluse :/
A mix I made for my friend/coworker.:3
1. Texas // Magic Man 2. End of the World // Hunter Hunted 3. Luv, Hold Me Down // Drowners 4. Our Swords // Band of Horses 5. Wait Up (Boots of Danger) // Tokyo Police Club 6. For Flotsam // Los Campesinos! 7. Dreaming // Smallpools 8. Orphaned // K.S. Rhoads 9. You For Me // Frankie Rose 10. Shark Attack // Grouplove 11. Rill Rill // Sleigh Bells 12. Quesadilla // WALK THE MOON 13. You Go Running // Deep Sea Diver 14. Synesthesia // Andrew McMahon 15. This Disorder // The Features 16. Elevate // St. Lucia 17. Mr. Bones // Tiny Victories 18. Window // The Album Leaf
~ ~ ~
I had a dream last night that I was eating the most delicious chocolate ice cream cake…. Then I woke up to the sad realization that it wasn’t real, and that my throat was still extremely sore. :(
Also I’m sick so that made today even better -.-
So today at work I was on cash.
This old creepy guy came through the line and tried to hit on me while his wife was standing right there. I felt so uncomfortable and disgusted.
Then this different old guy that had been through the line before and had ate in the dining room, walked by me with his wife and they were leaving. I smiled and asked them how everything was then out of nowhere he started flipping out on me. He said our music was too loud, (yes we do play our music kinda loud, but it’s company policy, we’re supposed to, in order to create an energetic environment….still if a customer requests that we turn it down, we happily oblige.) so I said to this man “I’m so sorry about that. We can turn it down for you” and he cut me off and was like “I am so mad right now, I really would be cussing at you if I could.” So again I said “I’m really sorry about that sir. You can always ask us to turn it down and we’ll do that for you” but he just wasn’t listening. He wanted to have a bitch fit. He was just like “no I’m leaving!” And I apologized to him once more but he just scoffed at me and left. -.-
Last night I came home after a night of drinking and watching paranormal tv shows at an old coworkers house. I had to work in the morning today so as soon as I was home, I headed straight for my bed. I was so drunk that I took all my clothes off and apparently didn’t have any motivation to change into my pajamas. Hence, I woke up and my lights were still on, and I was completely naked. I am fucking ridiculous.
Today was pretty shitty. I was hungover and one of my bosses was in a bad mood and she was being kinda shitty to me. I told my friend at work that the day really wasn’t going to get better for me unless the hot guy (that looks like Dennis from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia & always wears scrubs & orders a chicken bowl every time he comes in//my customer crush) came in. And then 30 minutes later, he came in. I talked to him for a second while I was cleaning the dining room. It was exciting. I wanna be on him.
<3 <3 <3
I’m gonna go watch AHS and take a nap now
School from 9:30-1:50.
Then work from 3:30-11.
Bring on the immense amounts caffeine.